‘Doing it’: a column on dorm sex etiquette
Published: Thursday, February 14, 2013
Updated: Thursday, February 14, 2013 17:02
The forty-somethings of today used a tie around the doorknob — or a sock — but this generation doesn’t seem to use the available technology of social media and texting to alert roommates of needed privacy. Sex etiquette in college is, after all, something everybody should learn.
It’s tough coming home after a long day of class and work only to hear your roommate having a nice little romp session in their bedroom. The door may be closed but that won’t stop the noise from filtering through the paper-thin walls of the apartment. Of course, for freshman living in double occupancy rooms the scenario becomes a lot more interesting.
The number one rule of dorm etiquette is to be considerate.
o Even with the water running and the fan on, you have to take into consideration that everyone can still hear you. So if you think you are doing anyone a favor, you are actually amplifying your intimacy.
Panties and Briefs don’t Belong on the Floor
o During the midst of “doing the deed,” your undergarments may find refuge on the floor of a public area, but they shouldn’t be left there for your roommate to find. They don’t need to know where you shop for underwear.
There is No Such Thing as: No Rubber, No Problem
o Ladies, there is no way a man can stop themselves when it comes to their release. There is something called a rain check and I’m sure they can be penciled in once the right tools have been acquired for your next coitus encounter.
Turn your TV on
o Turn on a Michael Bay movie for some background noise to keep your roommate from hearing your noise. It isn’t fun having to listen to the call of the wild when Animal Planet isn’t turned on.
Move your bed away from the wall:
o In addition to those animal noises, when getting friendly with your person of choice move the bed away from the wall. A headboard rhythmically slamming against the wall is the last thing your roommate will want to hear when trying to get to sleep. Even better, placing the mattress on the floor will cancel out the squeaky bedframe.
Send a Text Message:
o If you’re in good standing with your roommate send them a text to let them know you’ll be having company. It’s that simple. Alert them well ahead of time so they can make plans to be out of the room for a little bit. Just don’t go into a three hour-long lovemaking session and kick your roommate out in the middle of the night.
This column was written by fellow writers Mildred and Gertrude. For sex advice please email firstname.lastname@example.org